WHO AM I?
In the past ... Your intimacy is just for me.
Your romance is just for me.
Your "dear" was just for me.
Every intimate mention in each of your posts is just for me.
In the past .. The poems that you have made were just for me.
Although not all for me, some I know it's for your past.
In the past ... The songs you heard were fixed on me, which reminded you of how you feel about me. Though partly for your past.
In the past .. your jealousy is just for me.
Your attention is just for me.
But...
Now it's all different. I have become the past.
The past..
Where youlet yourself embrace all those memories by yourself.
Where you let yourself enjoy every longing alone.
Where you let yourself love your shadow alone without a reply.
Where you let yourself continue the rest of our dreams alone.
In the past .. you're going online on social media just for me, either just to just see me .. either just to pay attention to my post, or just to joke with me.
But now ... everything has changed.
You make social media not for that.
You made social media for her that you now worship.
You're doing it just to chat with the one you love.
And it's not me.
No matter how I feel
Now .. Its all so strange. I do not know .. either I'm too stupid or maybe too naive.
Either I was too lowly or maybe I was too hopeful
But...
What does it mean if you deliberately loose me. If you intentionally want to forget me.
And..
I can not force you.
I can not force you to keep loving me, even if I want to.
I can not force you to choose me over her, even if I wish that.
I can not force you to keep me, though I will be happy with it
Who am I?
Just an ordinary woman who can love but forget how to stop loving.
Who am I?
Just a simple woman who can miss you all the time, but forgot how to forget you even just for a second.
Who am I?
Just a woman who has a simple dream with you, but forget that the simpler the dream, the harder it'll be to reach
Who am I?
Only a woman who have a principle that one must be faithful to his destiny. But I forget that when destiny is not on my side, I must go as far as possible to forget it.
Well ... maybe that's my flaw in your eyes. But I'm sure, it might become my strength in the eyes of the person who really loves me.
It used to be so beautiful .. now storms come and it's not yet over.
Oh, my God...
What should I do as a woman?
Can you heal me? Heal my inner self? If you hold with.
Let this storm disappear naturally. Without being forced. Without having to make excessive drama. If YOU let this feeling persist. Maybe you want me to keep learning. Learn about patience. Learn about sincerity. Learn about sincerity. And especially learn about LOVE.
And I'm sure ...
All of this come to me with Your permission
Because YOU want me to be strong
Without undermining others
Because YOU want me to be patient
Without complaining, without me forcing what I want.
Because YOU want me to be sincere in going through this storm
Because YOU know I can
And most importantly...
Because YOU love me
YOU are the One who will accompany me through this storm
YOU want me to believe that Your promise is the only promise that will never betray
YOU want me to be closer to you to protect me .. because YOU are the only one who can protect me from anything
YOU want me to see the most beautiful rainbow as a form of YOUR LOVE to me.
Thank you God
For all this pain
THANK YOU are always there for me and never leave me feeling hurt alone
YOU are the only one that makes me feel meaningful
THANK YOU
Bandung, 22 May 2018
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